late night postings (day 18ish)

As I can't sleep, I thought I'd post my thoughts on the past few weeks.

I'm 2 and a half weeks post surgery and things are coming along well. I've had a painful couple of days due to muscle spasms - my joints are REALLY fighting my new rubber bands from my orthodontist. The worst part about the muscle spasms is I keep biting my tongue! Poor tongue.

The feeling is coming back into my face and chin, and my chin swelling is really starting to go down (thank GOD, as I was starting to look like Sarah Palin, and that's not exactly what I signed up for here). My cheeks are still puffy, but almost getting to the point now that no one but close friends/ family would notice.

It's a little freaky for me to look in the mirror these days. It's not that I don't like what I see - I think it's amazing that my profile isn't concave anymore - I think it's great that I have a chin and that my jawline actually looks strong... I don't mind the changes in my nose, and I LOVE that my smile isn't gummy anymore. It's neat that my face isn't so long. However, when I look in the mirror it just feels so... weird. It's not really me, except for it IS me. All of the changes are good, it's just going to take some getting used to.

One of the things that bothers me is the lack of sleep. Okay, not really lack of sleep as I'm probably sleeping 12 hours a day, but more the lack of a sleep schedule. I don't sleep for more than a few hours at a time. So... last night I fell asleep at 5am (bad pain), was awake from around 8-9am, fell back asleep until after noon. Fell asleep around 7pm and slept until midnight, and now I'm awake and it's past 2am. I try not to nap, but it really just makes me hurt worse and become cranky and emotional.

Speaking of emotional, the random crying is SO annoying! My poor husband. Just yesterday I was starving (like usual) and looking for something to eat but NOTHING sounded good and I was so frustrated that I just started to cry. I miss food! I've been tired of soup for a year now and am still forced to eat it. Pretty much, I'm desperate for new tastes and have resorted to swallowing things whole that I really shouldn't - for instance, today's tuna melt. I convinced Nick to make me the fillings of a tuna melt and that I could eat it - when really, after it cooled just slightly it was NOT meant to be swallowed whole - scraped up my throat, I kept choking... but it didn't stop me. :) I could have blended it, but that would have defeated the purpose - I wanted real food!! Today I also got some Haggen Daaz mint chip ice cream, but the chips are pretty big and I really wore my jaw out trying to maneuver them on my tongue to melt before I swallowed them.

I took my longest walk today yet! Probably a mile all told - we walked down to the 7-11 to mail our netflix back (no outgoing mail at our apartment complex) and got ice cream. I was exhausted afterwards, but it was really nice to get moving outside - and to GO somewhere instead of winding around our trashy apartment complex. My hip is sore, but feels better and better every day. I'm working on not limping at all when I walk, because I find that I limp almost automatically now - and the muscles aren't being stretched out and used at all. The weather is BEAUTIFUL here in western Washington right now, and I have to soak it up while I can!

I sneezed for the first time yesterday, and once more today. It was terrifying... after the first sneeze I felt around my jaw to make sure nothing had detached, but I survived okay! Again, very weird feeling.

Well... I think my marathon post has gone on long enough. Overall, I can't believe how easy this process has been. I know I complain a lot and it hurts and it was horrifying in the first week... but sheesh! Just 18 days ago I was on a operating room table with my face peeled back (sorry) and my jaws being cut apart and put back together and my hip bone was cut into. I can speak with decent clarity, I can eat, I can walk... The human body is an incredible, incredible thing :)

Night!