Sunday, July 5, 2009

Day 5 - it gets better from here, right?

Be forewarned: Pity party time!

I can't breathe. I am spending my entire life right now concentrating on taking a breath in... and then releasing it. Taking a breath in... then releasing it. Things are helping (thanks, guys) but nothing is making it MUCH better. It's just terrifying - I feel like I'm going to drown.

I had no idea that swelling could actually cause pain, but it sure can! It is so uncomfortable that I feel like screaming (or, mmppphhhhiiing!). I go between the jaw wrap and the ice to no jaw wrap to hospital jaw wrap with ice... Nothing really makes anything feel better but at night I like the large chin to be supported (how DOES Jay Leno do it?).

I am tired of this chair, despite how crazy comfortable it is - I want to be out of it, I want to be walking but the hip really puts a damper on those wants. I can get across the apartment a few times before it just becomes too much and I have to sit down again - I have read that movement can help swelling go down so I'm going to try to buck it up today and take a walk after the next pain medicine dose.
I have this constant tickle in the back of my throat that chokes me and gags me to no end, but there's NO WAY to get it out of there. Well, except cough, which I've been doing a lot of but OW. Also I've half convinced myself I've ruined my left nasal passage forever - in one incredible coughing fit last night I managed to shoot stuff out of that nostril - therefore blowing my nose, which I am not allowed to do. No air has passed through that nostril since then. Yuck.

I can't seem to get enough food, either. I feel like I'm "eating" all day (sipping from a cup and using the syringes, the zip-n-squeeze seemed like too much food all at once for me), yet I'm never full and never even relatively satisfied. I want a milkshake, but with all my phleghm issues I'm sure that's a bad idea. A BAD idea.
Finally, I really miss talking. I can kind of mumble, but it tires my jaw out something fierce and really makes for some sore joints. I have the white board and some funny version of charades, but that's it (my husband entertains himself by making up funny requests to my motions... which is endlessly entertaining to him).

On top of all my freaking outs? Our apartment manager left us a note on the door yesterday telling us our power would be out for most of the day Monday. Excuse me?! I need ice. I need my anti-biotics to be refrigerated. I need my humidifier. I want my fan. And I'm not doing so well at reading stuff - I read about a paragraph, space out, read another paragraph, space out...

Okay. I know ACADEMICALLY that it gets better from here. This first week is the worst. I can hang on. I can do this. But MAN it sure sucks right now :(

Day 5 pics:


carmenh said...

Poor baby. I feel so bad for you-the nose, the breathing, also the hip thing totally sucks-didn't think about that when I suggested walking-sorry! I laughed when I read about you trying to read & spacing out--I was just like that! HA! I thought I was going to get some reading done--didn't happen. Couldn't focus on the words due to the meds, etc, definitely couldn't concentrate, then made me sleepy. Hang in there, you are right, the 1st week is the hardest, but it does get better :)

natti said...

IT DOES GET BETTER! Hang in there! You do have lots of reason to have a pity party and I say... go for it! Have your pity party, whine, whimper, whatever you need to do. But most things just make it worse, don't they!? It really does get better and I think even tomorrow you might notice a difference. Day 5, for me, was the worst! I hope your post tomorrow is better! Hang in there! You've already got through 5 days! That's awesome!

Toni said...

I have no clue the awfullness that you are going through, but wanted you to know that I'm following along and sending thoughts and prayers your way!

Anonymous said...

Oh hun, I know it sucks right now, but it will get better soon! The first 7 days really sucked for me as well. Try some Vicks under your nose...that might help with the breathing thing and I'd stick to smoothies until the flihm goes away. Are you still on pain killers? Percocet was my BFF for my first few weeks! Hang in there...I'm sending hugs and healing prayers your way. It's going to get better really soon!!

Fi said...

oh my gosh it sounds horrible at the moment. but it will get better!!! :-)

Melinda said...

Oh Stephi!!!! I'm so sorry!! That sounds MISERABLE...but I'm sure it will all be worth it! And a month, you probably won't remember how bad it was...that's why women give birth more than once...we forget awful stuff like you're going through right now. :)