thank you, fish sticks

Since surgery, there are a lot of foods I just can't quite stand any longer. Ensure, Muscle Milk, and Slim Fast all make me gag even thinking about drinking them. I'm not in the mood for any kind of tomato soup, smoothies, even ice cream and frozen yougurt isn't all that appealing any more. I don't enjoy Gatorade as much, either.

In the weeks following surgery once I was cleared for soft foods (if you remember) I "ate" a lot of fish sticks and potato wedges (er, mashed them up with a lot of tarter sauce and swallowed them whole). It was one of my favorite meals for probably a month. Well, like everything else, I became tired of fish sticks.

Tonight I was in the Metropolitan Market where they sell my tasty fish sticks (not the cheap, nasty ones - they're actually real fish!)... and lo and behold, I kind of felt like eating them!

And you know what? I can eat them now! We're talking, pick up the fish stick in the hand, dip it in the sauce, and take a big bite - and then CHEW them! It was pure heaven. The entire time I was thinking about those first few weeks of eating solid food and how terrible everything was.

Despite all of my continued painful and long healing process, I really have come a long way. What a nice reminder. Thank you, fish sticks.

thankful

For all you Americans out there, Happy Thanksgiving! It's funny, this year I am thankful for an odd thing.

I haven't said anything on here, but I've been a little discouraged again about the face. I'm still not quite used to it, and it's been pretty swollen between the root canal and new rubber bands and a minor sinus infection - which I'm sure hasn't helped the matter. However, today after running I decided to take the extra 15 minutes and blowdry my hair - after it was done, I realized that I really like my new face today. The new haircut accentuates my new jawline and new chin and it really is flattering. Maybe I should dry my hair more often :) So, I'm thankful for becoming used to my face.

I haven't posted a picture for a while, and I'm not sure it's even really changing much anymore, but here you go - along with pictures of the new rubberband configuration at my orthodontist appointment this past Tuesday. He told me that the reason for my root canal was a cavity that had become irritated, and there was really no way for it to become painful due to the shortening of the roots (phew!). They changed both of my wires out, gave me lots of new hooks again, added the metal lacing between the front brackets on top and bottom again, added some rubber tie-backs from my incisors to the back teeth to close those gaps again, kept me in my old rubber band configuration and added new crazy ones up front. I'm allowed to take them out while I'm teaching now to help aid with my jaw pain in the right joint, but he wants me to try to hit 18 hours a day, and then 24 (minus eating and brushing) on weekends and any breaks. Luckily, my next appointment is a month earlier than it normally would be - in mid January. Hurray!

Also, with the jaw pain/ lack of range of motion, the heated rice sock has continued to decrease my jaw pain. For the first time since surgery (edging on 5 months now) I can yawn without severe pain. Whenever I'd accidently yawn fully my right joint would SCREAM. Now, no pain! I'm not sure if it's the rice that has done it or if it's because my ROM has increased (still at 20 sticks) and now yawning doesn't strain the joint, but I'll take it.

new love

I officially have a new love in my life - the rice sock I made to assist me in my physical therapy exercises. It's just a bunch of jasmine rice stuffed and tied into one of my husband's mammoth socks and microwaved until the point of explosion (okay, slight exaggeration). When placed next to my sensitive and painful right jaw joint prior to and during physical therapy exercises, they don't seem so terrible. In fact, I got up to 20 tongue depressors! Now, to ice the rest of the pain away. I also pre-medicated with ibuprofen a half hour before the exercises.

I'm going to try to focus on the positive once again. Tuesday I see my orthodontist and I'll have a long conversation with Dr. Molen about this stuff to see what he thinks.

I won't break, I'm just stressed. I guess I shouldn't be comparing myself and my jaw and my healing to everyone else. It doesn't help anything. I WILL try acupuncture (don't know why I didn't think of it myself... thanks, Kate) and I'll keep this heating and icing and medicating bit going and, well, it'll all work out in the end.

I'm still glad I had this surgery - despite the pain in my jaw that lasts and lasts, it is still better than daily migraines. I have a beautiful occlusion - my lower teeth sit right behind my upper teeth! I'm struggling with this slow healing process (unable to chew many foods still, no jaw movement side-to-side or front-to-back, limited range of motion, and pain in my left TMJ), but I think I should just relax...

monthly panic attack, check

It seems it's time for the monthly "this-is-totally-never-going-to-heal-I'll-be-a-freak-my-entire-life" freak out. Please, fellow post-jaw surgery friends, answer me one or more of the following:

1) How long after surgery did you have to do physical therapy - and what was that physical therapy? I'm doing the stupid tongue depressor stack-of-hell, the awful squash ball between the back teeth, and the push the lower jaw to one side or the other and hold.
2) How is your range of motion now, and what was it like 4.5-ish months post op?
3) Can you move your lower jaw side to side? What about forward and backwards? When were you able to start doing this?

It feels like I'm going nowhere with this physical therapy, and it's beginning to wear on me. It feels like I'm doing it all for nothing, as nothing is improving except for maybe my tolerance for pain. I'm back to icing again, perhaps will try heating before the therapy stuff.

What are my other options? I've called my surgeon. She says to do the exercises more, but I'm doing them all I can.

At a bit of a breaking point here...

emergency dentist appointment

I would love for all of this drama with my mouth to be over.

As my teeth and gums are beginning to have feeling again, I noticed my back tooth on my upper left side has been especially sensitive. I've been ignoring it, as I figured it was all in the course of getting feeling back (just like my chin used to burn and have those weird shooting pains). Well... two weeks or so later, it's just getting worse and worse to the point of being unable to chew on that side so I called my dentist yesterday. They had me come in today (which worked out well because I was dropping the husband off at the airport for another round of military training)...

Two hours, four x-rays, 3 dentists opinions, and a lot of testing later they decided I needed to see an endodontist (which I had never even heard of) TODAY for my rear-most teeth on the top left. I drove straight to the endodontic office where they decided they were doing an emergency root canal - or, really, half of one. They cut open the tooth and pulled out all of the insides and stuck a cap over the top. They'll finish the root canal on December 28th.

It turns out that my roots are so shortened on those upper two teeth that it may have caused all of the sensitivity and pain. Since I can't feel the tooth in front of it, they think I might have to get another root canal on that tooth - since it's in the same boat. It sounded like I could have lost the tooth the roots were so short, and they're not even sure the tooth is completely viable.

Since I have such a limited opening, that was a terribly painful set of appointments. The endodontist prescribed me valium and percocet for the next appointment - I'm supposed to take one valium an hour before the appointment, and then another one a half hour before the appointment. I can also take a percocet. My jaw on the right side is now popping in a new way - almost like bone or cartliage rubbing against bone or cartliage, and it is INTENSE.

The GOOD thing about the appointment, though, was the numbing shots didn't hurt at ALL because I still have limited feeling in my gums/ upper palate. Whoo hoo!

I know this shouldn't upset me so much, but I spent the entire 35 minute drive from my dentist to my endodontist sobbing. Granted, part of that was the lack of sleep last night (helping Nick pack) and then my husband leaving for over a month during the holidays... but I'm pretty down about all of this. I am SO done with everything to do with my mouth.

funny stuff

Part 1: You guys will like this story. I was checking out in Target tonight and I got the funniest cashier EVER. He rings up my purchases, asks me how I'm doing (the normal) I smiled at him and said "Oh, doing fine." He LIGHTS UP when he sees my braces and says "Whoa! Braces! How long do you have to wear those things?!" I'm a little bit thrown off now, and respond with "Oh, about 6 more months or so." "Whoa! Like, were your teeth like THIS?!?" And he literally puts his hands in an L shape - like my upper teeth were so crooked they were parallel with the floor (yes, floor). I said "Ummm, no, not quite that bad. But pretty crooked." He then goes on to tell me ALL ABOUT his wisdom teeth and how he wants braces... Seriously? Odd.

Part 2: I get hit on a LOT more now that I have a chin.

That's all.

everything's fine, of course

Except my range of motion... I'm only at 29mm and they want me at 48. That's practically half of what I need to be. Ouch...

The pain in my right jaw joint? She thinks it's inflammation from the tight rubber bands and struggling against them to talk all day (teacher!). The pain/weird clicky feelings behind my front teeth? My bones growing and I'm able to feel the plate now.

If it all continues? I can get a shot of steriods in my jaw for the pain, and if the plate is still really bothering me I can get it removed a year after surgery.

Blah. I figured it was normal, but it was good to hear.

back to the surgeon...

I'm heading in for an emergency appointment with my surgeon tomorrow. The nagging, sharp, and almost constant pain the right jaw joint combined with the weird random swelling combined with the weird painful click-y feeling behind my front teeth/nose meant missing a day of work to drive back to Seattle. Poor band/orchestra students. Yet again, I'm missing too much school!

Now, I don't want to complain too much - but I had no idea I'd be 4 months out and still dealing with all of this. I'm still doing physical therapy - up to 19 sticks now. It's still yucky and painful. I still have problem with many foods - no steak yet, no salad yet (I can't chew it well enough and swallowing lettuce whole is unpleasant, to say the least), nothing crunchy, I have to be careful with breads, nothing chewy... Am still unable to bite into things 'cause the jaw doesn't open wide enough...

The numbness is still around but I truthfully barely notice it anymore. I have SOME feeling everywhere, some places are just a little more tingly or slow to respond than others.

I don't know anyone else with this problem, but I think the weirdest thing for me has been playing instruments again. With a correct occlusion I'm a much better flute and trumpet player, but my low brass and clarinet (boo) skills have gone out the WINDOW! With low brass I'm double buzzing all over the place and can't keep a pitch center... with the clarinet I sound terrible and leak air like a sieve. I can't figure out a good angle, and everything is different. Yuckity yuckity yuck.

this will seem funny later, I'm sure

I got my yearly benefits open enrollment package last week at school. My school district is changing to the state union benefits! The benefits I had when my braces journey first started in my first school district, the amazing benefits that would have paid for my surgery no questions asked.

Just a year too late. Argh. Instead, I have a 51,000 dollar bill still attached to my name.

burgerville

Not a lot to say, but I realized I hadn't posted this picture here on my blog! It's one of the best photos of me EVER. It's hilarious. This is my first time biting into a sandwich/hamburger! If you look closely, I've pretty much sat on it to flatten it out and I've taken out most of the toppings... but I did it! I bit into a burger. Ah, the taste of success.

oh yeah, insurance stuff

I'm once again in the middle of insurance chaos. I had to make a "small" payment (luckily I have extra money in my health FSA account) so I wouldn't be charged late fees or go into default, etc. I'm faxing in my pre-approval letter and all of the documentation on the case, my hearing, etc.

We'll see what happens! (I knew it was all too good to be true!)

owie

My jaw hurts. A lot. I'm back on ibuprofen. And tylenol. I've backed off the jaw exercises (ooh, up to 16 sticks now). I've backed off playing my clarinet and all other instruments. I'm wearing my rubber bands as much as physically possible. I'm not overdoing it chewing - I'm still taking it pretty easy. I'm getting headaches again, too - not migraines, but headaches nonetheless.

Ouch. When is it time to call my surgeon?

you'd think....

.... after all of this braces/dental/surgery MESS I'd be less afraid of the dentist and less disgusted by teeth.

But nope. Yuck.

part II... don't freak out [yet]

I got this in the mail on Friday. Yeah, it's a bill.

Back to my benefits coordinator on Monday!

part I... old photos

I'll do a better comparison once our old computer is up and running again (hopefully this month, but God only knows).

Here's the latest photo. Overall, I think this is my new face.

Here are some old photos I've copied off of facebook and the internet that I think emphasize my formerly long and narrow face, overbite, tall gummy smile, or lack of chin.

first real adjustment [day 92]

Yesterday's orthodontist appointment was... eventful. Which I am grateful for, because maybe this means I'll have less time in braces, but it meant taking another sick day today to sleep off the pain - it's really, really difficult to talk and eat. But like I said, no pain, no gain!

The downer? 8-9 months in braces left. It's quite odd, as I distinctly remember him giving me 2 and a half years in braces including surgery - but somewhere along the line I got in my head I would be in braces 6 months after surgery. Silly Stephanie, you've got a long time yet. On one hand, of course I'm disappointed. But on the other hand? I'd much rather them stay on longer and have better results than take them off too soon.

The work? Get this. I went in for a simple wire change - one of those 10 minute appointments where it takes longer for the tech to get the doctor over than for anything actually happening. He started poking around my mouth and calling out numbers to the tech, saying they had "changed their mind" and "oh, did I have time?" Of COURSE I have time! :) They removed and re-positioned 10-ish brackets, put bite turbos on the rear front two teeth, took off all that extra metal and extra hooks (YAHOO!!), took a set of x-rays, gave me new wires, and a new rubberband configuration.

Progress pictures are just the front of my teeth today as I can't open enough to get arch pictures. But most of the metal is off - wahoo! Other pictures? The picture of the day [day 92ish] of my face smiling, and then one not smiling - some of you commented that you couldn't see anything 'wrong' with my upper lip and nose, and I think it's much more visible when I'm not smiling. My lips don't touch, and my upper jaw/ upper lip sticks out weirdly.

And finally... my orthodontist took a front x-ray and it's pretty cool. I haven't had much luck wth getting these to post in the past, but here it is!

bummed [day 90]

I'm not sure what's gotten into me lately, but I've had a big case of the blues for the past 3 or 4 days. Everything is frustrating and I'm just not feeling well. When I went into surgery three months ago, I had no idea all of this would be lasting so long. What's wrong with me? Why am I healing so slowly?

I still have my sinus infection. I was off antibiotics for 2 days and it was back in full force. Dr. Lee says if it continues to see my primary care doctor and to have the doctor page her personally (I now have her office, cell phone, and pager numbers... what a cool surgeon).

I'm still frustrated with my looks. I don't like my upper lip and I really don't like what my nose looks like. I thought it would go down, but it's still upwards - now I can see into my nose in most pictures.

I'm getting lots of pain and popping and clicking in my jaw, and my jaw exercises are not doing anything anymore. I know I'm not quite doing them as much as I'm supposed to be (I should be doing 4 times a day, I do 2)... But they give me really bad headaches and I hate going to school with headaches. I do them when I get home from work and before bed.

I still feel like I don't have as much energy as I did pre-op. I went to an amazing indoor water park on Friday night and after a few hours of climbing up the stairs for the water slides my hip gave up on me... No more slides for Stephanie! And then at the fair the next day I was tired after just a few hours (I usually spend a whole day there), and then barely made it through the Oktoberfest party I went to that night - ended up stealing a chair from someone and just sitting for most of the night (looking at people's backs, as everyone was standing and facing away from me). After that weekend 'o' fun I could barely keep my eyes open during my planning period today.

I have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow. After my emergency appointment a few weeks back they stuck me in a new rubberband configuration to stop the over-correcting of my bite, but now the overbite is re-showing and my teeth barely hit my bumpers anymore. My back teeth don't even come close to touching.

Will these braces ever come off? :( Sorry to be such a downer, but MAN I've been taking this really rough lately. I just want to be back to normal.

questions [day 85]

Okay, fellow bloggers. I'm wondering if a few things are normal. Help me out.

1. Sensitivity to spices (especially cayenne), mint, and cinnamon. I can't even use listerene anymore because it causes the roof of my mouth to burn so badly!
2. Continued fairly major swelling - especially in my upper lip. I'm noticing that my upper lip seems so much smaller now since surgery - and it comes and goes, but today it's really gone.
3. Gum and teeth sensitivity in general - where I'm numb it doesn't bother me [of course] but pretty much everywhere in my mouth that's awake is pissed off. My gums ache after flossing, my teeth ache where the rubber bands are, my tongue burns, and my teeth are sensitive to hot and cold and sweet where they never have been before.
4. Molars not meeting. They're better on one side than the other, but in general my front teeth touch but my back ones don't.

I have really grubby teeth. I want to get my teeth cleaned REALLY terribly - what do you guys think? I'm still sitting at 15 popsicle sticks, so I can't get open very much. But I'd been almost a year without a cleaning prior to surgery because the dentist caused my migraines to go through the roof, and then the whole banded shut thing and, well, you know. I have fuzz. I brush 3 times a day but it comes back so quickly... It's gross.

bit of a scare... [day 78]

This post is dis-jointed and rambling. However, in my defense I'm still sick and exhausted from school starting. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...

Yesterday I had a bit of a scare, to put it lightly. The night before last I realized my upper and lower teeth in front were directly hitting - not hitting the pads or the brackets, but coming down right on top of each other. Since I'm not wearing my bands at night, I wondered if that could be contributing to my bad bite (and a side note before y'all get preachy on me: I called my orthodontist. Since my mouth is banded shut at night and my nose is completely clogged, I was suffocating - it felt like the week following surgery and it was terrible... so I called my orthodontist and they said to leave them off until I can breathe again). Anyway, instead of telling me it was okay or whatever they wanted me to come in to an emergency appointment to check it out. AHHH!!! I drove straight from work to my orthodontist office, about a 45 minute drive.

The bite is hopefully being corrected from the technical underbite (hah!) with some intense rubber bands in box configurations on both sides. My teeth, jaw, and head ACHE from them - for the first time in weeks I'm back on a regular regimen of tylenol AND ibuprofen, and I ended up just leaving them off for the hour after lunch so I could teach with a clear head. They are intense. Hopefully they'll work - I am dying to get rid of rubber bands in general. My teeth are really sore wherever the band connect to - in fact, in my newly-waking up left side on top I feel like I have a cavity. I think it's just intense pain from the rubber bands and the 'new' sensations up there.

Other things of note:

ROM: My opening hasn't improved any... still at 15 sticks. I'm pretty frustrated because now my rubber bands are even tighter, and it feels like progress is going slower. Argh.

Numbness: my chin is really coming back - still patches of numbness but those are tingling now. Upper gums still completely numb. Roof of the mouth tickles constantly, and I can feel it when things burn it now (yay?). Lower lip still a bit dull but I can feel all of it. Top lip and cheeks are completely back. It's been really fantastic. Minus my top gums, I wouldn't be too upset if NOTHING improved from here on out - and I know it will. I'm in good shape.

Swelling: While the sinus infection is getting better, my face is still swollen. Really swollen. It is worse in the early mornings and in the evenings. I have good days and bad days, and the good days are GOOD. I'm starting to like my face finally.

Pain: I don't have much pain anymore. Prior to the latest rubber band change and sinus infection, I can't remember the last time I took something. Amazing - as I could go through bottles and bottles of ibuprofen and tylenol prior to surgery.

Migraines: STILL NONE! Wahoo!! Life is so good. Kate, you asked a few posts ago if I was waiting in anticipation or feeling liberated? I feel so free and wonderful! For the first month or two I was just waiting - every morning I would wake up with the mandatory "okay, how bad is it today?" thoughts, and every morning I was headache free... Everything feels easier and happier and lighter and brighter... I can't even describe how amazing this change has been.

Clicking: I don't know if this is normal, but my jaw clicks. A lot. It clicked before surgery, but nothing like this. I'm hoping it will improve as my ROM improves.

Speech: I haven't really talked about this much lately, but my speech is still muddled, especially when I've talked a lot. If you listen closely I lisp on every 's' sound, and I struggle with 't' sounds and 'th' sounds. They come out slurred. 'F' sounds come out funny, but I think that's still my rubber bands. My 'r' sounds come out as 'w' when I'm tired. This is really frustrating to me, but hopefully it will improve. Guess it's time to pull out the tongue twisters?

Energy: Getting better all the time, but I'm not back to pre-surgery levels yet. I need much more sleep at night, and wear out easier during the day.

Hip: I almost don't notice my hip anymore. It still stretches when walking downhill which is uncomfortable, and I don't like to sleep on it. I hip-bumped my car door shut the other day and almost collapsed in surprise/pain, though, so it's still not completely healed. It's a wickedly cool scar.

I think that's it. I warned you guys it was a long post... :)

Sinus infection 1, day 72

I'm neck deep in my first sinus infection post surgery... my surgeon warned me they would probably be reoccuring this winter because of the movement of my upper jaw up into my sinus cavity or whatever... Ouch! It's still not very comfortable to sneeze or blow my nose (the pressure is freaky and I can feel the pressure expand in the front bones of my upper jaw behind my front teeth) and it's yucky. It's a really nasty one, too - I called my surgeon today but didn't get ahold of the office in time to get the prescription today. Hopefully tomorrow. I have no voice at all (great for being a teacher).

I don't know if I mentioned this, but it's weird - I have a "warning" button inside my body. For some reason, when I begin to overdo it, the bones behind my front teeth in my upper jaw start to throb. Once the throbbing starts, I have maybe a half hour to stop doing whatever I'm doing before the exhaustion becomes unbearable - however, this throbbing often starts during 5th period when I've got planning and time to breathe (and still have another period left, plus after school work). This week I ended up taking a nap at school because I was too tired to drive home. Whoa.

I'm freakishly puffy from the infection, exhausted beyond belief from school starting, and had my hair up in clips during school today so it looks funny now... but new pictures 'cause it's been a while. Freakisly puffy again, though. ARGH. And things were getting so cute. I look like a puffer fish.



Oh yeah!! 15 popsicle sticks now. Working on it, working on it, working on it, working on it. :)