Monday, April 20, 2009

still anxious

I am still achingly anxious over the hearing on the 30th. I get a wave of nausea every time I think about it. And the 30th isn't even the end of it - they don't even meet with the entire board to make a suggestion and vote until May 7th, I believe. Of course I'll request to be notified as soon as possible afterwards, but that might not be until the next day, I imagine.

All I do in my spare time is think and mull and wish I knew how to prepare myself for this hearing. Will they have any questions for me? Should I bring them case studies of other people in similar situations (ie overbite, migraines, duel jaw surgery)? How can I convince them that NOT having the surgery is not an option? And that there's just no way for us to afford the surgery on our own? And if I end up not being covered, how do I go about figuring out how much it will all cost if I pay in cash (er, credit card?).

Argh. I'll try not to complain too much more, but it's just where I am right now. Feeling pretty low, missing the husband like crazy, getting low grade migraines every single day lately and terrible jaw pain, and feeling like this might go on for a long time. A long, long, long, long time.

As a final note, I can't believe that I'm able to teach middle school band and orchestra with migraines. In college, the first 10 minutes of a migraine would have me running for my bedroom, where I'd turn out the lights, put a cold cloth on my head, take my migraine medication and sleep for 12 hours or longer - until it was gone. It would have taken a huge occurrence (a test, juries, performances) to get me out of bed. Now, I have a migraine almost every day - but I'm used to not seeing well out of my left eye. I'm used to feeling nauseous after eating. I'm used to only one set of lights (out of 3) on in my classroom - sometimes none when I can open the windows and let a little light in. I'm used to the reverb that makes me dizzy when my kids play too loudly. I'm used to being short and snappy with my students. I'm used to not being able to speak clearly or think clearly enough to give feedback on performances. It's such a part of my life now, I can't imagine life without migraines.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

4 comments:

Rachel (Rae) said...

Steph,

So sorry you're going through all of this. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through let alone to go through it feeling SICK constantly. :( I hope you get what you need to make this a thing of the past.

One thing I've been thinking for awhile now, and obviously you would know better than I would, but I keep thinking about how I wish you could just go back to the school you were teaching in last year where your surgery WAS covered. :'( I wish you hadn't had to leave/move. Is there ANY chance of going back???

Good luck hun!!

funkyrhodes said...

Wow, Steph, I can't imagine dealing with that kind of pain. I really rooting for you that you'll win the day come the 30th. Hopefully you'll be able to arm yourself with plenty of opinionated letters from as many professionals you can coerce. No one should have to deal with what you're going through if there's a viable option to fix it. Good luck to ya! :)

Katherine (Kate) said...

One more week to go, Steph. Keep hanging in there best you can.

You're allowed to complain~ This is the reality for you right now and it is not a fun place to be. Ongoing pain that doesn't go away is enough to wear you down on the best of days. Easier to deal with when you've got an end in sight, no?

How long till you get to see hubby again?

stephanie said...

Rae, there isn't any way for me to go back to that school - and while I miss the insurance totally, I would have only had a job for this year. So I would have been job hunting/interviewing while recovering from jaw surgery. :( It's pretty much terrible, though.

Kate - hopefully I get to see him in mid-June again, but we don't know for sure yet. This first school is 10 weeks, then the next school is around a year long. But during the year round school I can fly down to visit him... which I can't for this school.