21!

I just reached 21 popsicle sticks! I have officially tripled my opening from the first physical therapy day in early August. I'm sitting here the dreaded squash ball in my mouth, drooling all over as I type this... but I was so excited I didn't want to wait to tell everyone. 21! 21! 21!

Life is good. At the very least, life could be much worse.

appointments

Lots of dental/mouth appointments during winter break this year - on the first Monday of break I'm sneaking in for a cleaning - I have so much metal/ rubber on my teeth I'm not sure what they'll be able to accomplish, but at least they can start chipping away some of the grime (ew!). I hate the feeling of my teeth ever since surgery - I just can't get them clean! And I know they were concerned about buildup especially in the rear of my mouth where I still struggle to clean - I floss, but I'm not sure I'm getting everything because I can't open my mouth wide enough to see inside of there, and I also don't have much feeling back there yet. I'm a bit worried about having my mouth open - but it seems it's not getting any better any time soon, so I might as well quit waiting and getting cavities :)

Also, later into break I've got the rest of my root canal appointment, which ought to be a real fantastic time - at least with that appointment comes valium and percocet (don't worry, my husband is driving me!). PLUS I'm calling my surgeon tomorrow to 1) figure out this insurance crap and 2) make an appointment to get my joint looked at again.

So... insurance stuff. I had to make a 1,000 dollar payment last week because my account was going into default. Can I just say that I have NO IDEA why they're still billing ME?! Shouldn't it all go to my district - the district that agreed to pay for my surgery? And they're being REALLY SLOW with the purse strings apparently, so I've got to make payments until then. And, well, we don't exactly have thousands of dollars laying around. Augh, to say the least.

I have a good feeling about physical therapy this week - I feel like I might get to 21 popsicle sticks! The last two nights 20 hasn't been excruciating. I think that doing the exercises 3 times a day instead of 2 times is improving things, too - it seems like the therapy exercises aren't such a 'shock' to my jaw when I do them more often (my sessions in the morning and afternoon are shorter than my evening session). And the heat, again, REALLY helps. I ice only after my evening marathon session. I didn't do as much as I should have over the weekend (I'm stressed to the max and didn't even think about it - I even forgot to brush my teeth one night, I fell asleep in my chair with my laptop on my lap!) and my jaw was hurting pretty badly by yesterday - but with three sessions of therapy we're back!

Since I'm in blogging mode - let's do a full update. Since the new rubberbands up front my teeth are meeting almost perfectly - I ate salad tonight without too much trouble! Sometimes my teeth on the right side hit before the left, but I'm sure that will work itself out.

Numbness - Like I mentioned before, many of my teeth/ upper gums are pretty numb still. I have feeling, it's just slow. My chin is coming back like crazy this month - it itches for no reason, tickles, when I brush my fingers over the skin it tingles - whoo hoo! My lips are almost back completely. (bummer, as a clarinet player). I guess my cheeks still have some numb spots. The weird thing is, is I don't even notice the numbness anymore unless I test for it. It used to bother me - kind of felt like wax was dried on my skin all the time. But now I don't really notice it.

I think that's it! Minus the ROM and possibly displaced disk on the right side, things are good. And I have faith that things will get better after a long talk with Dr. Lee. Goodnight, everyone!

thankful

For all you Americans out there, Happy Thanksgiving! It's funny, this year I am thankful for an odd thing.

I haven't said anything on here, but I've been a little discouraged again about the face. I'm still not quite used to it, and it's been pretty swollen between the root canal and new rubber bands and a minor sinus infection - which I'm sure hasn't helped the matter. However, today after running I decided to take the extra 15 minutes and blowdry my hair - after it was done, I realized that I really like my new face today. The new haircut accentuates my new jawline and new chin and it really is flattering. Maybe I should dry my hair more often :) So, I'm thankful for becoming used to my face.

I haven't posted a picture for a while, and I'm not sure it's even really changing much anymore, but here you go - along with pictures of the new rubberband configuration at my orthodontist appointment this past Tuesday. He told me that the reason for my root canal was a cavity that had become irritated, and there was really no way for it to become painful due to the shortening of the roots (phew!). They changed both of my wires out, gave me lots of new hooks again, added the metal lacing between the front brackets on top and bottom again, added some rubber tie-backs from my incisors to the back teeth to close those gaps again, kept me in my old rubber band configuration and added new crazy ones up front. I'm allowed to take them out while I'm teaching now to help aid with my jaw pain in the right joint, but he wants me to try to hit 18 hours a day, and then 24 (minus eating and brushing) on weekends and any breaks. Luckily, my next appointment is a month earlier than it normally would be - in mid January. Hurray!

Also, with the jaw pain/ lack of range of motion, the heated rice sock has continued to decrease my jaw pain. For the first time since surgery (edging on 5 months now) I can yawn without severe pain. Whenever I'd accidently yawn fully my right joint would SCREAM. Now, no pain! I'm not sure if it's the rice that has done it or if it's because my ROM has increased (still at 20 sticks) and now yawning doesn't strain the joint, but I'll take it.

new love

I officially have a new love in my life - the rice sock I made to assist me in my physical therapy exercises. It's just a bunch of jasmine rice stuffed and tied into one of my husband's mammoth socks and microwaved until the point of explosion (okay, slight exaggeration). When placed next to my sensitive and painful right jaw joint prior to and during physical therapy exercises, they don't seem so terrible. In fact, I got up to 20 tongue depressors! Now, to ice the rest of the pain away. I also pre-medicated with ibuprofen a half hour before the exercises.

I'm going to try to focus on the positive once again. Tuesday I see my orthodontist and I'll have a long conversation with Dr. Molen about this stuff to see what he thinks.

I won't break, I'm just stressed. I guess I shouldn't be comparing myself and my jaw and my healing to everyone else. It doesn't help anything. I WILL try acupuncture (don't know why I didn't think of it myself... thanks, Kate) and I'll keep this heating and icing and medicating bit going and, well, it'll all work out in the end.

I'm still glad I had this surgery - despite the pain in my jaw that lasts and lasts, it is still better than daily migraines. I have a beautiful occlusion - my lower teeth sit right behind my upper teeth! I'm struggling with this slow healing process (unable to chew many foods still, no jaw movement side-to-side or front-to-back, limited range of motion, and pain in my left TMJ), but I think I should just relax...

monthly panic attack, check

It seems it's time for the monthly "this-is-totally-never-going-to-heal-I'll-be-a-freak-my-entire-life" freak out. Please, fellow post-jaw surgery friends, answer me one or more of the following:

1) How long after surgery did you have to do physical therapy - and what was that physical therapy? I'm doing the stupid tongue depressor stack-of-hell, the awful squash ball between the back teeth, and the push the lower jaw to one side or the other and hold.
2) How is your range of motion now, and what was it like 4.5-ish months post op?
3) Can you move your lower jaw side to side? What about forward and backwards? When were you able to start doing this?

It feels like I'm going nowhere with this physical therapy, and it's beginning to wear on me. It feels like I'm doing it all for nothing, as nothing is improving except for maybe my tolerance for pain. I'm back to icing again, perhaps will try heating before the therapy stuff.

What are my other options? I've called my surgeon. She says to do the exercises more, but I'm doing them all I can.

At a bit of a breaking point here...