Day 17

Missed a day yesterday, and I think I'll be missing more days in the future. Things are improving day today, but it's all happening slowly now. I look pretty much the same as I did a few days ago.

I slept (well, should say "slept") my first night without my prescription painkillers last night - but will not be doing so tonight. My pain seems to be worse in the evening, probably because of talking and eating during the day. I can control my pain for the most part during the day with tylenol and ibuprofen, but it's hard to sleep with that nagging, pulling pain.

I've been talking about this to a few people lately, but this whole process still feels surreal. I haven't gotten a full nights sleep since before the surgery, and while this has gotten a LOT better (I only wake up 2-3 times a night, as opposed to every hour, on the hour), it kind of feels like it's been one long day from July 1st to now. I wake up with shooting pains in my ear or just below my ear, or my teeth that are being used to band my jaw shut start singing loudly.

With the new rubberbands my orthodontist gave me I'm really having problems with muscle spasms, as well - suddenly my jaw will just start to move on it's own - it's terribly freaky. And painful.

Okay, enough pain. It sounds like all I do is complain on here! I have been getting much more mobile. Going out of the apartment still wears me out, but my walks are becoming longer and easier. I am back up to speed on reading - for a while I was so spaced out that I would read a paragraph or a sentence and just space out or fall asleep with the book open in my hands... then wake up/ snap out of it and repeat it over and over again. Eating has become much easier, and Nick made mac 'n' cheese tonight with some kid pasta rings - tiny, tiny rings that I didn't need to chew.

Well, I think that's it. Pictures for today:

Day 15, orthodontist today

I went to the orthodontist today and it was really fun to see everyone. My orthodontists and assistants and coordinators were really happy to see me - and I was happy to see them!

Everything looks good, but they added a set of rubber bands from my back molars to my upper posts - lame! I was getting used to talking with the front rubber bands, but now I'm shut closed again. I shouldn't complain too much, as just a few days ago I was begging for more rubber bands to stabilize my jaw AND these are making my rear teeth closed (they weren't touching at all), but I'm complaining anyway. They're really strong rubber bands, too.

Nick, being the wonderful husband that he is, brought home delicious Indian food with extra sauce - I blended the heck out of all of it and added some rice and it was delicious. Two nights in a row with a full stomach - I'm in heaven!! And the best part about blending it all? Indian food is so saucy and well-cooked that my blended up food still resembled the original food, unlike the tacos of last night that looked like cat food. Yum yum yum!

My skin is starting to do the post-surgery freak out. I'm breaking out all over the place - especially where my skin was so swollen. Also, Stephanie SJP said that she saw the surgeon spread iodine cleaner over the jaw surgery patient's face... which can't be helping my sensitive skin.

Numbness isn't really going anywhere. I'm trying to move my face as much as possible, hoping to wake up some of the nerves and muscles. It's odd. I have no feeling at all on the roof of my mouth, my upper gums or teeth, and the corners of my upper lip. My lower lip is pretty numb but very tingly and burning. No feeling at ALL in my chin. However, my cheeks have almost completely come back, and the middle of my upper lip is doing well - which really makes eating and drinking easier.

Swelling isn't really moving... bummer. My cheeks are still giant, as is my chin. My smile is looking less like a 3rd grader "CHEESE!!!!!" smile, though, which is nice. And my profile sure looks good - I have a chin!

Day 14, down some more

What a crappy day. Lots of pain - especially in my hip again! I think that as I need fewer and fewer painkillers for my jaw/face issues, I can feel my hip more. It's pretty nasty. It is my understanding that they had to move some muscles aside to get to the bone, and that's mostly what is causing my pain. I don't know, I just know it's really difficult to walk without a limp and I'm really wanting to get to long walks to get my energy up but it's difficult with this blasted hip.

Nick and I are geeks and really wanted to see the new Harry Potter at midnight but I just wasn't feeling up to it. It's almost a 3 hour movie, and we wouldn't have gotten home till close to 4 and that's just too much for me right now.

I had the BEST meal so far tonight. I've been craving food that's NOT sweet and NOT soup - so Nick and I went to our favorite taco wagon and bought 4 little chicken soft tacos and some rice and beans and blended up the insides of the tacos with some chicken broth- it was delicious! I could eat the rice and beans without blending, too - it was nice! Sadly, all of my food looks the same these days - kind of like cat food. Not appetizing looking, I'll give you - but delicious! Tomorrow Nick's going to pick up some food from our favorite Indian restaurant. Can't wait to blend that up!!

Not much change today - in fact, I feel a little more swollen than I did yesterday. Who knows.

Day 13, down again

What a rollercoaster I'm on. While today wasn't as bad as many days have been in the past, it wasn't a very good day. I couldn't really get enough to eat and was pretty hungry all day, and I couldn't quite get the pain down today which is really frustrating.

When I'm talking about pain, I'm not talking about excruciating terrible pain. My sutures are painful - always kind of humming. My joint is always stiff and sore. The teeth that are being used to band me shut are sore from the constant tension on the rubber bands. My bottom lip kind of feels like it has a sunburn, I'm not sure why. So, in total, nothing is really TERRIBLE - it's just the constant buzz of it that wears me down - today more than yesterday.

Still only that one slight migraine in the entire 13 days. This has been such a fantastic change - my quality of life has been so different already - I am so excited!

I feel like I'm already getting more height in my jaw opening - I had no idea what to expect so I'll post a picture here. When my jaw first opened at the surgeon's office (when they de-banded me for the first time) it barely opened - much smaller than this. I have not been forcing it open in any way, but I think the joint is starting to become more mobile than it used to be. Anyway, the picture here is how far my jaw can currently open.

Pictures for today:

Day 12

Day 12 rocked my socks again. I'm finally starting to look and feel like myself. I still have very little energy - a trip to the store wipes me out, eating a full meal wipes me out, pretty much doing anything other than sitting wipes me out. I'm hoping to start going for walks soon to get some of it back. My hip is finally starting to feel more normal (though, the insicion is CRAZY! It's probably 3 inches long) and is easier to walk on - so time to start getting out there!

Finally weighed myself today... almost 10 pounds down. I'm disappointed at myself - I thought I was doing so much better at getting calories in! It'll all come back once I can start eating again, and it's probably all that muscle I had built up to run my half marathon. Argh!

Feeling is coming back in my face except for my chin and mouth area. My bottom lip is really bothering me - it just sits there, and is sitting lower than it used to so it's being annoyed by my braces quite a lot.

The pain in my jaw has decreased a lot. I get terrible, terrible shooting pains when I try to close my teeth together (which I do in my sleep and that wakes me up - ow!), but for the most part my jaw doesn't feel so unstable anymore - which is a huge relief!

Eating has been going so well! I really recommend the Magic Bullet blender - not because it's an amazing blender that can blend anything in three pulses (HA!), but because it's so darned convenient. It is a good little blender and all of the cups have been really nice for me - I blend up whatever soup I want to drink, throw it in the microwave, and can drink it without getting another bowl dirty. It's easy to clean, too. Fantastic. Today I ate cheesecake filling (bought from the store) blended up with fresh strawberries - it was SO GOOD! Made my day (for real, that's all it takes).

Okay, pictures for today (no more bruise pictures because they're pretty much gone now):

Day 11 was a bit better again

Day 11 had a little less pain than yesterday, and I only woke up 3 times last night so I had some extra sleep under my belt.

I am getting much better at eating, and my mom and I bought a new set of baby spoons that really makes things easier - they're less thick and hold a little more food. My jaw is a little less uncomfortable, so that helps because I have a little more time to get food down before I need the bands back on. The BEST part of losing the bands has been the shift from liquid medication to pills... not only is it less expensive, but MAN are those liquid medications terrible.

My mom took me shopping today to Target and Safeway and then to get some frozen custard at a local stand and I was WIPED afterwards - I had to have a nap. Riding in a car used to be really uncomfortable but riding around today wasn't too bad.

I ate a blended up corn chili bisque and a tomato basil bisque today - both of which were really filling. While I've spent a good portion of my adult life looking at nutrition levels, it's never been to get as MANY calories and nutrients as possible before... today I passed up a few soups that sounded good because they just didn't have enough calories, and I want to HEAL quickly. I am also loving rice pudding. Still using muscle milk to get some additional calories.

Anyway, I'm looking more and more like myself. The bruising is going down and the swelling is, as well - my smile looks SO FUNNY still, and my chin and cheeks are still pretty puffy. It's so weird looking at my face.

Day 11 pics:

Day 10 wasn't so good

Like I said in yesterday's post, I miss my bands. My jaw just doesn't feel right without them - and it's quite painful without them. Is this common?

Day 10 has been filled with a lot of pain (all taken care of with tylenol and ibuprofen, but only just). I didn't sleep all night last night because my jaw was unable to find a stable, comfortable position to rest - just one painful one after another. Once I got my husband's favorite pillow that's flat and mushy it helped a little. Also, heat has helped a little.

Eating is still very frustrating. I'm able to eat mush but am still mostly relying on the liquid diet to get the majority of my calories - I just finish up each "meal" with "eating" and "brushing"... all of which is fairly unsuccessful. Argh.

PS. And the inappropriate crying? It's getting annoying. :)

Day 10 pictures

Day 9

Had my first post-op appointment with Dr. Lee today. We did x-rays and she says my x-rays are "textbook" (and that's a quote!). Hurray! They took off most of the bands, leaving just two in a similar configuration up front. I LOVED to brush my teeth (gosh, that tounge was getting yucky) but I can't really brush the surfaces of the teeth where the teeth meet, as my jaw can't open that wide yet.

I don't know if anyone else has felt this way, but I just want my bands back. My jaw feels all unstable and there's no really good place to bite down and my front teeth are hitting my bottom braces brackets (WEIRD!) and it's all very uncomfortable. As much as it was lame to be on a liquid diet, this is just not comfortable.

I ate mashed potatoes and gravy today for my first "meal" and it was good... my jaw was extremely tired afterwards and my stomach wasn't quite sure what to do with all that food. My mom took me to get a hot fudge sundae from DQ in the evening but I only took a few bites before wanting the bands back on... I'll eat it another day.

The swelling is going down more and more each day, though I still don't really look like myself - I went into the Starbucks I stop at in the mornings on the way to school to pick up my markout and they asked me "hey, where do you work?" even though they TOTALLY know me.

The pictures for today (I'm starting to look HUMAN again!)

Day 8

Day 8 was a bit rough - I had a bad coughing fit (I think my husband is getting sick) and my jaw kind of spasmed out of place and then snapped back with the bands and it killed me. I was crying and curled up in a ball and back on Demerol for the first time in a few days... Had my first migraine since after surgery (which is AMAZING), but it went away overnight once the jaw calmed back down.

Did you guys hear that? I've gone 9 days and only had a migraine for a few hours. Hallelujah.

Day 8 pics:

Day 7 - feeling fantastic and PICTURES!

Pictures attached to old entries now...

Everything has completely turned around from days 2-5. Day 5 was by far the worst of all - but now my pain has gone down (I'm only taking demerol at night, it helps me sleep). My swelling is starting to go down - which is where a lot of my pain was coming from. My only pain now is really in my lower teeth, which are fighting being banded shut and my incisions, which kind of pull and sting. My jaw gets tired and sore when I talk too much - but it's easier to understand me today.

My mom took me to the store yesterday and Nick and I went to a store in the mall today. With the impressive bruising and swelling, I got quite a few outright stares.

Well, not much to say today. Feeling good (finally). Thursday I have my first appointment back with my surgeon - hurray! I think Nick said that when she called she said I would get a lot of the bands off on Thursday and could start eating more solid food... hurray!

Day 7 pics:

Day 6 - finally a little better :)

Whew! After all of that pity-poo-party time, things are doing much better. Day 6 is feeling fantastic! :)

My surgeon's office called today and told Nick I need to be moving around more, so we took an extra-long walk outside (read: 5 minutes?). It was nice. I'll take another one with my mom or Heidi when they visit later. The hip is really slowing me down, but I can't let it keep me sitting. I'm much less likely to think of the pain when I'm not sitting, if nothing else.

Breathing is a little easier today. I think my swelling is going down just a tad... but it's enough that it's taking a little pressure off of that darned swollen nostril. The tickle has magically disappeared from the back of my throat.

Nick made me tomato soup and a peach smoothie and it was heaven last night - I literally almost cried when I ate the soup, it tasted so good! I'm pretty tired of muscle milk and broth, but those have been the easiest things to get in.

In other eating news, I am almost completely off the syringe and drinking out of cups! I have four little sippy cups that have really thick lips on them, so I can manage to drink without spilling TOO much - the quantity of food that I'm able to get in is much more satisfying before I get worn out.

So... the sad news is that our friend never made it over to fix our computer. I'm going to ask my friend Heidi to bring hers over tomorrow and see if I can load pictures up to her computer and post them that way. You guys have GOT to see this bruising/ swelling - it's freaking fantastic.

Much love, guys. Thanks for your support - without you telling me it'd get better, I don't know what I would have done!! Hurray!!

Day 6 Pics:

Day 5 - it gets better from here, right?

Be forewarned: Pity party time!

I can't breathe. I am spending my entire life right now concentrating on taking a breath in... and then releasing it. Taking a breath in... then releasing it. Things are helping (thanks, guys) but nothing is making it MUCH better. It's just terrifying - I feel like I'm going to drown.

I had no idea that swelling could actually cause pain, but it sure can! It is so uncomfortable that I feel like screaming (or, mmppphhhhiiing!). I go between the jaw wrap and the ice to no jaw wrap to hospital jaw wrap with ice... Nothing really makes anything feel better but at night I like the large chin to be supported (how DOES Jay Leno do it?).

I am tired of this chair, despite how crazy comfortable it is - I want to be out of it, I want to be walking but the hip really puts a damper on those wants. I can get across the apartment a few times before it just becomes too much and I have to sit down again - I have read that movement can help swelling go down so I'm going to try to buck it up today and take a walk after the next pain medicine dose.

I have this constant tickle in the back of my throat that chokes me and gags me to no end, but there's NO WAY to get it out of there. Well, except cough, which I've been doing a lot of but OW. Also I've half convinced myself I've ruined my left nasal passage forever - in one incredible coughing fit last night I managed to shoot stuff out of that nostril - therefore blowing my nose, which I am not allowed to do. No air has passed through that nostril since then. Yuck.

I can't seem to get enough food, either. I feel like I'm "eating" all day (sipping from a cup and using the syringes, the zip-n-squeeze seemed like too much food all at once for me), yet I'm never full and never even relatively satisfied. I want a milkshake, but with all my phleghm issues I'm sure that's a bad idea. A BAD idea.

Finally, I really miss talking. I can kind of mumble, but it tires my jaw out something fierce and really makes for some sore joints. I have the white board and some funny version of charades, but that's it (my husband entertains himself by making up funny requests to my motions... which is endlessly entertaining to him).

On top of all my freaking outs? Our apartment manager left us a note on the door yesterday telling us our power would be out for most of the day Monday. Excuse me?! I need ice. I need my anti-biotics to be refrigerated. I need my humidifier. I want my fan. And I'm not doing so well at reading stuff - I read about a paragraph, space out, read another paragraph, space out...

Okay. I know ACADEMICALLY that it gets better from here. This first week is the worst. I can hang on. I can do this. But MAN it sure sucks right now :(

Day 5 pics:

Day 4

Post surgery folk, help me out. This breathing thing is starting to freak me out a tad - at one point last night I had panicked myself into thinking I might drown in my own snot. Obviously, I didn't, and by some miracle I slept for over 5 hours straight, but this morning I'm still feeling uncomfortable.

Breathing through the mouth, of course, not on option - though it was one I employed a bit too much last night and ended up with some crazy jaw strain/pain. My left nostril is still swollen to all eternity and barely passable when I'm NOT bleeding from there (which I still am, off and on). So pretty much, my trusty right nostril is pulling overtime and getting tired.

I've got a humidifier going and that really helps (though heats up the room and it's HOT here in the pacific northwest right now). I've tried q-tips dipped in hydrogen peroxide/water... I have Afrin, but can only use it twice a day. Any suggestions?

Other than that whole debacle, things are doing pretty well. I got in a little bit over my head with pain last night - I'm starting to realize that once it really starts to hurt it's almost impossible to get it to come down. Just have to keep on pain meds. My jaw bra is helping - and I think just as much as for support and compression than the ice.

I'm getting funny twinges, already. My favorite is the vibrating sensation - it literally feels like a small little portion of my face is vibrating like mad - but then I throw my hand up there to figure it out, and nothing's actually happening. Just nerves regenerating, doing their thing. I'm really, really numb still - pretty much my entire face from the eyeballs downward. I have weird pockets where I can feel as the drool passes them by, but that's about it.

Finally took a shower this morning - it was kind of a production as Nick and I had to tape up the hip (which is it's own spectacular bruise that none of you will ever see, but it's fantastic!) dressing and get my weak butt into the shower, but I sure feel better now that it's over.

And, naptime...

Day 4 pictures: